hello! my name is mr. schmidt. and I am proud to present you: my reinemakkefrau, frau schindler. frau schindler is my cleaning woman. and once I had a great experience with her. we both went on holiday together, because my wife refused to go with me. so I took frau schindler with me, and we drove – no we flew together to south america. and when we arrived in buenos aires we took a bus deep into the jungle and watched some crazy monkey, which has hair all over his body, and he had long arms, and with these long arms he was hanging in a tree. and I took my photoapperat and I took a picture of this monkey and frau schindler stood directly under the monkey and cheered to him as if he was a superstar. this photo then when I had been coming back to germany, I sent this picture to the axel springer verlag. and they immediately realized the potential of this photograph and published it on the bildzeitung on the very last site with some text under it, so that everybody can see it! and the text was very interesting. and I told my secretary mrs. maier to read it to me. and she read indeed. the text was something like this: „what you see here, is a monkey hanging over a woman, and the woman is cheering to the monkey. but the monkey doesn’t recognize this. but he is hanging in the trees and has very long arms, and we publish this photo on this place in the newspaper for a reason: because it is so damn stupid, that everybody – everybody has to see it. to see what really stupid things are like!“ and when frau maier had finished to read, I was shocked that my brilliant photograph of my reinemakkefrau under the monkey had been made fun of – publicly – in a newspaper – of the axel springer verlag – that I did not hesitate to call a cab and drive directly to frankfurt, to the headquater of axel springer verlag, but on the way to frankfurt something mysterious happened to me. I was just reading another newspaper, when the car was stopping for no reason at all. and I looked up to the driver and he seemed to sleep – in the middle of the autobahn! and I shouted to him to continue, but he refused to hear. immediately I jumped out of the car, and over the leitplanke into a field of dirt – only to be save. and there I realized. this was all a dream. I was dreaming – and I wasn’t awake at all! so I thought… be clever! you know that you dream. then you can dream anything you want. and immediately 72 virgins appeared in front of me – in the field – and they were naked. all of these virgins had long beards… hair in their faces. so I asked: „does anybody of you is freezing?“ and everybody said: „yes!“. so I took them to the next fuel station where the temperature was very much higher then on the field. and the 72 virgins which were naked and had beards all assembled inside the fuel station and waited for a yellow bus to arrive which was suppose to bring them back where they came from. but when the bus arrived, a big question mark appeared on the scene when the driver of the yellow bus asked, where they came from, nobody knew. he told the 72 virgins with beards to get into his bus and wait for further orders. and so they did. and suddenly somebody tipped on my shoulder and I looked around and there was standing my reinemakkefrau frau schindler and she was asking me out on a date. and I was so happy, because I always wanted to go with her out on a date. and so we did on the next evening. and we first go to a first class restaurant and ate a big mac small menu with cola with ketchup zum mitnehmen bitte. and afterwards we went to a cinema and watched a movie and afterwards I kissed her, and we lived happily ever after.
so… I assume you have learned something from this: if you make a photograph in the jungle – make sure that the woman is cheering to the monkey. because you never know! you never know!!!